February 28, 2021

‘I thought he was going to tear chunks out of my skin’

Lisa is one of a number of young women they have been pressured into acts of violence in the bedroom.

She says she willingly “got together” with a guy she “kind of knew” at a house party but was shocked when he began repeatedly biting down on her body.

“When he pulled his mouth away, his teeth were still clenched. I thought he was going to tear chunks out of my skin,” she says.

Lisa, which is not her real name, said there was no conversation beforehand about whether she would what he was doing and she was physically shocked by it.

She says she was crying and asked him to stop “but there’s only so much you can do when somebody is a lot larger and stronger than you are”.

Online culture is changing behaviour in the bedroom and what was once regarded as strictly fetish is rapidly becoming the norm.

BBC Disclosure & BBC 5Live commissioned a survey of 2,000 UK men aged 18 to 39 to assess how so-called “rough sex” was being navigated.

In the survey, 71% of the men who took part said they had slapped, choked, gagged or spat on their partner during consensual sex.

One-third of the men who had done this said they would not ask verbally whether their partner would like them to do it either before or during sexual activity.
What is driving this interest in so-called “rough sex”? Our survey of young men pointed to a big factor – pornography.

More than half of the men who had said they had slapped, choked, gagged and spat on partners said pornography had influenced their desire to do so.

One in five said it had influenced them a “great deal”.

“You see it in porn and think, ‘oh, that looks class’ and you try it,” he says.

However, George says it can be underwhelming when re-enacting what you watch on free pornography sites.

“It never turns out the way it looks in porn,” he says. “Obviously, they are actors, even though you watch and you like it, when you try it in real life you are disappointed quite a lot.”

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